My Dearest Agbani Darego,
Will you be my valentine?
Do give this the utmost consideration.
If you will be my valentine, let me say that I am, first, of all men
most privileged, and second, about to engage in heavy research about
what being someone’s valentine actually entails.
If you will not be my valentine, I must assume this is only because you would prefer me to ask you to marry me. If so, poste haste and with rapidity in extremis, I would, My Sweetling, desire your hand- and as much of the rest of you as possible -in blissful matrimony.
But wait. I traverse ahead of myself. I
have not introduced myself. Sure I have spent many hours ogling over
your Instagram photos and following you closely on Twitter, but I have
never, as it were, had the opportunity of introducing myself.
I am The Editor.
Ah, My Lollipop, I can see your sad
smile now. You are shaking your head, wondering if I am just another one
of those men struck by your beauty and effortless grace.
Yes, it is true I am one of those men, but if I might add, I am even more awestruck by your beauty. There is no hope for me.
Marry me, My Cupcake.
Consider the advantages. I have discussed them below.