A GOOD FRIEND

A GOOD FRIEND

What are the qualities of a good friend? True friendships can start instantly but they take time to build. Here are a few qualities to look for when making friends as a teen -- and beyond.

 

1. A good friend is honest.

A good friend may not share every detail of every second of their life, but they do try to be clear about their intentions. This means that they try to present an accurate picture of who they are and of different situations. When something doesn't seem right, they let you know.

 

2. A good friend is fun, unique and interesting.

OK, this is a given, and probably the reason you became friends in the first place. But there's a lot to be said for chemistry and shared interests.
As for fun, it depends how you define it: Some friends are fun because they're the life of the party, others are fun because they notice every strange little detail about a situation. Some people are fun simply because they see life like no one else does.

 

3. A good friend is attentive and adaptable.

A good friend is at least a fairly good listener and notices how little, day-to-day things affect you. They can't read your mind, but chances are they can usually tell when you're happy, sad, excited, shocked or upset. If they're aware that they're doing something that annoys you, they try to change their ways or at least talk to you about it.

 

4. A good friend is supportive of you and your goals.

Sure, your friend may think you're cool, but are they on the same page as you? Do they know what you want most out of life? A really good friend will know what makes you tick and help you become the person you want to be. They won't try to change who you are or drag you into situations that make you uncomfortable or put you at risk of losing something that matters to you.

 

5. A good friend is a friend you can trust.

A true friend won't try to steal your girlfriend or boyfriend, your job or your personality. They won't gossip about you constantly or try to damage your reputation. They will let you know when they're concerned and do their best to stick up for you when you're in trouble.

 

6. A good friend makes it clear that they care about you.

Different people may have different ways of letting you know that they care about you. One person may give you a big hug whereas another person might gently tease you. A big clue that someone cares is that they talk to you fairly often and, in general, know what's going on in your life and act interested about it.

 

7. A good friend sticks with you in good times and bad.

Loyalty is a quality almost everyone lists when asked what they look for in a friend. A loyal friend will stick with you when your new play is a flop, when you bomb the SATs or when your parents get divorced. If you move or switch schools, they'll do their best to stay in touch with you.

 

8. A good friend accepts you for who you are, even when you're being a butthead.

In friendship, being accepting goes hand in hand with being loyal. A true friend rolls with the punches as you grow and change and know how to deal with your quirks and faults.
They are also patient with you when you make mistakes -- even big ones -- and learn how to forgive you when you hurt them. In other words, they treat you as you'd like to be treated, even when you aren't at your best.

TRUST

TRUST

Trust is both an emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.
We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort.
There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of trust and consequent definitions.

Predictability

It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.
The greatest unpredictability is at 50%; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.

Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future.

Value exchange

Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all businesses as well as simple relationships. At its simplest, it is exchange of goods. I will swap you two sheep for one cow. It is easy to calculate the value in such material bargaining. Things get more complex when less tangible forces come into play. A parent exchanges attention for love. A company exchanges not only pay but good working conditions for the intellectual and manual efforts of its workforce.
Value exchange works because we each value things differently. If I have a whole flock of sheep but no milk, then I can do business with a person who has a herd of cows but no clothes. This principle of reciprocity is what binds societies together.
Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, don’t want to be sold a ringer which the seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not wild opinions.

Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.

Delayed reciprocity

Exchange is not just about an immediate swapping of cows and sheep or hugs and kisses. What makes companies and societies really work is that something is given now, but the return is paid back some time in the future. The advantage of this is that we can create a more flexible environment, where you can get what you need when you need it, rather than having to save up for it.
Trust now becomes particularly important, because otherwise we are giving something for nothing. The delay we have placed in the reciprocal arrangement adds a high level of uncertainty which we need to mitigate through trust.
What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It sets up the dynamic for my giving you something now with the hope of getting back some unspecified thing in the indeterminate future.

Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, maybe indirectly, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future.

Exposed vulnerabilities

When we trust other people, we may not only be giving them something in hope of getting something else back in the future, we may also be exposing ourselves in a way that they can take advantage of our vulnerabilities. If I buy a car from you and I do not know a good price, you can lie to me so you get a better bargain. If I tell you in confidence about the problems I am having with work, you could use this to further your own career at my expense.
Although the threat of retribution or projected feelings of guilt can counteract your temptation to abuse my exposed vulnerabilities, if you succumb I still get hurt and may still end up with the shorter stick. For our transaction to complete successfully, I must be able to trust that such agonies will not come to pass.

Definition 4: Trust means enabling other people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities—but expecting that they will not do this.

So what?

So learn about trust, how it works and how to build it. If you do it well, other people will give you the earth. If you betray them, your conscience will hunt you to the ends of the earth.

LOVE

LOVE

What is love? It is one of the most difficult questions for the mankind. Centuries have passed by, relationships have bloomed and so has love. But no one can give the proper definition of love. To some Love is friendship set on fire for others Maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind. Love is patient, love is kind. It has no envy, nor it boasts itself and it is never proud. It rejoices over the evil and is the truth seeker. Love protects; preserves and hopes for the positive aspect of life. Always stand steadfast in love, not fall into it. It is like the dream of your matter of affection coming true.   Love can occur between two or more individuals. It bonds them and connects them in a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence. It enhances the relationship and comforts the soul. Love should be experienced and not just felt. The depth of love can not be measured. Look at the relationship between a mother and a child. The mother loves the child unconditionally and it can not be measured at all.   A different dimension can be attained between any relationships with the magic of love. Love can be created. You just need to focus on the goodness of the other person. If this can be done easily, then you can also love easily. And remember we all have some positive aspect in us, no matter how bad our deeds maybe. And as God said �Love all� Depending on context, love can be of different varieties. Romantic love is a deep, intense and unending. It shared on a very intimate and interpersonal and sexual relationship.  The term Platonic love, familial love and religious love are also matter of great affection. It is more of desire, preference and feelings. The meaning of love will change with each different relationship and depends more on its concept of depth, versatility, and complexity. But at times the very existence of love is questioned. Some say it is false and meaningless. It says that it never exist, because there has been many instances of hatred and brutality in relationships. The history of our world has witnessed many such events. There has been hatred between brothers, parents and children, sibling rivalry and spouses have failed each other. Friends have betrayed each other; the son has killed his parents for the throne, the count is endless. Even the modern generation is also facing with such dilemmas everyday. But �love� is not responsible for that. It is us, the people, who have forgotten the meaning of love and have undertaken such gruesome apathy. In the past the study of philosophy and religion has done many speculations on the phenomenon of love. But love has always ruled, in music, poetry, paintings, sculptor and literature. Psychology has also done lot of dissection to the essence of love, just like what biology, anthropology and neuroscience has also done to it. Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components in the book of psychology: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, in an ancient proverb love is defined as a high form of tolerance. And this view has been accepted and advocated by both philosophers and scholars.   Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a short journey. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect. Be together, share your joy and sorrow, understand each other, provide space to each other, but always be there for each others need. And surely love will blossom to strengthen your relationship with your matter of affection.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

DREAM BIG,BEAUTIFUL AFRICAN

DREAM BIG,BEAUTIFUL AFRICAN

As a citizen of Africa,don’t live as though your nation or continent owe u something.Rather your mindset should be that you have something the whole Africa needs.It’s in you,so be concerned with what you can do to make our continent a better place.

Africa is not indebted to you,but in reality ,it is you that owe Africa,and it is a debt you must pay.If you have the opportunity to go to school,don’t wander about loafing and doing nothing,for we are today’s leaders.Don’t talk bad about Africa,irrespective of the seeming hardship talk good about the continent.Refuse to allow the negative influence of others to cause you to lose hope and confidence in the great future of this great continent.I believe in Africa,I see a new generation of leaders rising and taking up the challenges of selfless service to the continent,a generation so passionate about putting in their best to build a virile,progressive,developed and buoyant continent.The possibility of moving Africa forward in dependent on you.

If there were a time to dare,to make a difference,to embark on something worth doing,it is now.Not even necessarily for any grand cause,but for something that tugs at your heart,something that you have dreamt about.

You owe it yourself to make your days here on earth count.Have fun,dig deep,stretch,dream big,know though,that things worth doing seldom come easy.There will be good days,there will be good times when you want to turn around,pack it up and cal it quits.Those times tell you that you are pushing yourself,that you are not afraid to learn by trying.

Persit,because with an idea,determination and the right tools,you can do great things.Let your instincts,intellect and your heart guide you.Learn to trust.The start of something new brings the hope of something great.Anything is possible.There is only one you,and you will pass this way only once.Do it right.